Me

Last night, like the good Baptist that I am, I was praying for forgiveness of my sins. Now, here's the funny thing about that. I teach that salvation is not a sin issue and that we should not over-focus on our shortcomings to excess. (And the definition of redundancy is...) It brings about guilt and feelings of unworthiness, which are crippling. Anyways, my head and my heart are not always congruent. Additionally, old habits die hard. Its easy for me to get down on myself. So I'm talking all of this out with God and I'm like, "God forgive me for being mean and pessimistic and arrogant and and and..." Okay, so basically what I ended up doing was asking forgiveness for being me. "God forgive me for being me." Its almost like God said, 'do you know how silly you sound right now; who would you rather be?' (Whether or not God actually said 'do you know how silly you sound right now; who would you rather be'; I don't know.) "Good question," I said. Here are some possible options:
1. Mother Teresa. Who doesn't wish they could be as good a Christian as Mother Teresa? Who wouldn't love to live in the slums of India and spend all their time with the sick and destitute? Wait, me, that's who! I wouldn't last one minute in the slums of anywhere! You know there's dirt there, right? On the other hand, would Mother Teresa be as good a jail minister as me? I don't know.
2. Paul the Apostle. C'mon, this guy was awesome! Who wouldn't love to go around starting churches and influence the future of the followers of Christ in such a profound way? Who wouldn't want to be beaten and imprisoned for their faith? Umm, me. I love to visit my friends in the jail but I don't want to stay! I wonder if Paul would have had as great a relationship with his children, if he had any, like I do? I don't know.
3. Saint Francis of Assisi. Who wouldn't want the wisdom and patience of Saint Francis? Who wouldn't want to give up everything they own and live a primitive life of poverty? Me, that's who. I rather like the luxuries of new shoes and a washing machine and a car and and and... Would Saint Francis have made people laugh, relieving a boring moment? (Was Saint Francis ever bored?) I just don't know.
Granted there are things about me that I don't love and some things I'd like to change, I figure that I'm well suited to do the things God would have me do. It takes a certain type of personality to be a jail minister. That's why a lot of people that begin it don't last. Let's face it, I'll never be a foreign missionary, a church planter or a monk but I will continue to love those women incarcerated in Terry County Jail. I will continue to cherish the family that I have been blessed with and I will always try to make people laugh. I can work on my flaws but I'm not sure I'll ever overcome them. (Maybe some of what I feel are flaws are just quirks in my personality. Maybe all flaws aren't meant to be overcome.) I may not be the best Christian, but am happy to say I am not competing for that title. I am sometimes arrogant, often stand-off-ish, occasionally rude or even mean. I am stubborn and I am sarcastic. I am honest and I love and I always try my best. I'm well suited to be me.
One last thing; I just hate when people post as their facebook status something like, 'I'm a horrible person' or 'I'm just not feeling good about myself today' just so all their 'friends' can comment with 'oh you're great and I love you' or 'cheer up everyone thinks you're fantastic.' I'm seriously not fishing for compliments; thanks for understanding.