Privy

I have been awake since before four this morning and I will have to wake up tomorrow at the same hour. I have been awake for twelve hours, now. (The time stamp on all my blogs is off, for some reason it will say 1:45 when its 4:00; just to let you know, so you don't think I'm dumb.) I think, the less sleep I'm going on, the dryer my sense of humor becomes. Some people, perhaps most, do not understand it. I think normal people need a sarcastic tone to accompany a sarcastic remark in order for it to register. Thanks to Shawna, Leah and Annaleigh for getting me. (Yes, I just gave you a shout-out on my blog.) Now, without a transitional sentence, I will change subjects.
I dropped my phone in the toilet today. Amazingly, without even thinking, I reached in and grabbed it. I was able to save it with my hair dryer. Luckily it was my toilet, which is cleaned fairly often, about every three days. If you know me, you are shocked right now that I reached in the toilet with my bare hands. I am surprised, too. I'm glad I acted on instinct, without considering it or else I would be sans phone right now.
Here's what I learned from this event: I value communication and connection more than cleanliness. Huh, who knew? My head says, 'no way would I reach in there, not for anything' but my instinct, and perhaps my truer self, said 'risk it, for your link to many of the people you care about is in that toilet!' Interesting, I think I've had a breakthrough. Right there with my hand in the toilet I had a breakthrough. (Hmm, now there is something I thought I'd never hear myself say.)

There's no Place like Home, There's no Place like Home...

So, we were outside all day. All day... We were at a small lake/pond type place fishing. Well, I was not fishing, of course. I was mostly watching my son push his stroller around, making sure I could see him at all times. I'm a lister, (it goes hand in hand with counting), and I was mentally compiling a list of reasons I don't like being outside:
1. It's hot outside in August
2. It's hot in the shade outside in August
3. There are flies outside
4. Flies land on everything, including my soda
5. I can no longer drink my soda once a fly has landed on it
6. Flies also land on barbecued chicken
7. I can no longer eat chicken if a fly lands on it
8. My kids can sunburn outside
9. There is dirt everywhere
10. There was dirt on my son's lollipop
11. My son continued to eat the lollipop even after the discovery of dirt on said lollipop
12. Outdoor restrooms are gross
13. There is generally no toilet paper in gross outdoor restrooms
14. I can not use a gross outdoor restroom which has no toilet paper
15. Pond/lakes that are outside have fish in them
16. My son and my daughter touch fish that are uncooked and still flopping around
17. There are not enough diaper wipes to keep children who are outside, touching flopping fish and eating dirty lollipos clean
These are just a few. (Perhaps camping is not a viable option for summer vacation next year.)

Restoring Honor, (to whom?)

Today is August 28th. It is the 47th anniversary of Rev. Martin Luther King Jr.'s I Have a Dream Speech. He delivered this speech from the steps of the Lincoln Memorial. He changed the world with his message of love and tolerance.
This morning from those same steps Glenn Beck and Sarah Palin both delivered a speech. If you really know me then you know that I am disgusted by this. If you do not then I have just told you. I am sick. I feel sorrow and anger. This false prophet, Beck, is polluting a sacred anniversary. Beck said he feels it is, "divine providence," that his rally be held on this day. As a Christian I am grieved.
Below is a link with the I Have a Dream Speech. I dare you to make it all the way through without tears.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PbUtL_0vAJk

www.what?

I'm so bored with the internet. What a funny thing to say. I'll say it again, just for effect. I'm bored with the internet. I wonder how that's possible; the entire world at my fingertips and I'm over it? I can learn anything I want to know instantly. I can see what all of my 'friends' are doing, all on one site and I'm starting to not care. Maybe my brother is on to something wanting to delete his facebook page. But then, what would I do in class? (I'm just kidding; I'm an outstanding student...) Here are some possible reasons why I'm bored:
1. I like learning, don't get me wrong. I just love books and I feel they are being endangered by this world wide web. Save the books, boycott Wikipedia! Should we start a movement?
2. I have a short attention span. I'm not committed to reading an entire article, often. Give me the outline and I'll decide. This would greatly improve the internet. How about a rating of interest before every item on the internet? This is very interesting, mildly interesting, boring as heck... I need a filter on my internet that only allows very interesting things. I may be on to something; patent please...
3. I have a general disinterest in trivial information about Sally's vacation. C'mon let's be real. (I just deleted the sentence I had here because I am making a real effort to be nice, so let me say something like: I would love to hear about your plane ride to Virginia Beach and I would also be very interested that your hotel has a pool! Nah, I'm lying, but I tried.)
4. I'm tired of, in my sister's words, communicating with my friends without actually communicating. What ever happened to a phone call? What about a visit? I feel we are replacing genuine relationship with status updates. It's funny because we write things like 'I love you; call me :)' in comments to our 'friends' but if they call we don't answer because we don't recognize the number. I don't know, maybe this is evolution.
Please respond and rate this post on a scale of 'very interesting--boring as heck'. Thank you.

Me

Last night, like the good Baptist that I am, I was praying for forgiveness of my sins. Now, here's the funny thing about that. I teach that salvation is not a sin issue and that we should not over-focus on our shortcomings to excess. (And the definition of redundancy is...) It brings about guilt and feelings of unworthiness, which are crippling. Anyways, my head and my heart are not always congruent. Additionally, old habits die hard. Its easy for me to get down on myself. So I'm talking all of this out with God and I'm like, "God forgive me for being mean and pessimistic and arrogant and and and..." Okay, so basically what I ended up doing was asking forgiveness for being me. "God forgive me for being me." Its almost like God said, 'do you know how silly you sound right now; who would you rather be?' (Whether or not God actually said 'do you know how silly you sound right now; who would you rather be'; I don't know.) "Good question," I said. Here are some possible options:
1. Mother Teresa. Who doesn't wish they could be as good a Christian as Mother Teresa? Who wouldn't love to live in the slums of India and spend all their time with the sick and destitute? Wait, me, that's who! I wouldn't last one minute in the slums of anywhere! You know there's dirt there, right? On the other hand, would Mother Teresa be as good a jail minister as me? I don't know.
2. Paul the Apostle. C'mon, this guy was awesome! Who wouldn't love to go around starting churches and influence the future of the followers of Christ in such a profound way? Who wouldn't want to be beaten and imprisoned for their faith? Umm, me. I love to visit my friends in the jail but I don't want to stay! I wonder if Paul would have had as great a relationship with his children, if he had any, like I do? I don't know.
3. Saint Francis of Assisi. Who wouldn't want the wisdom and patience of Saint Francis? Who wouldn't want to give up everything they own and live a primitive life of poverty? Me, that's who. I rather like the luxuries of new shoes and a washing machine and a car and and and... Would Saint Francis have made people laugh, relieving a boring moment? (Was Saint Francis ever bored?) I just don't know.
Granted there are things about me that I don't love and some things I'd like to change, I figure that I'm well suited to do the things God would have me do. It takes a certain type of personality to be a jail minister. That's why a lot of people that begin it don't last. Let's face it, I'll never be a foreign missionary, a church planter or a monk but I will continue to love those women incarcerated in Terry County Jail. I will continue to cherish the family that I have been blessed with and I will always try to make people laugh. I can work on my flaws but I'm not sure I'll ever overcome them. (Maybe some of what I feel are flaws are just quirks in my personality. Maybe all flaws aren't meant to be overcome.) I may not be the best Christian, but am happy to say I am not competing for that title. I am sometimes arrogant, often stand-off-ish, occasionally rude or even mean. I am stubborn and I am sarcastic. I am honest and I love and I always try my best. I'm well suited to be me.
One last thing; I just hate when people post as their facebook status something like, 'I'm a horrible person' or 'I'm just not feeling good about myself today' just so all their 'friends' can comment with 'oh you're great and I love you' or 'cheer up everyone thinks you're fantastic.' I'm seriously not fishing for compliments; thanks for understanding.

"When, in the course of human events, it becomes necessary..."

I asked my daughter, who is in the fifth grade, "From what country did this nation declare independence?" You know what? She doesn't know. "Mexico?" she replied. Mexico? Granted, she knows Texas history well, but Mexico?! It is becoming clear to me that the school system is failing her. She is a straight 'A' student! She is one of the top readers and competes in academic UIL events. If she doesn't know this simple and important historical fact how is that reflecting on her school experience? More important even than the failure of the education system, I have failed her. I can no longer assume she is receiving an education just because I send her to school. I'm certain the problem is not isolated to this town or her school. I have been a college student for the better part of the last eleven years. I've heard my fair share of papers written by university students that make no sense at all. Listening to some of these presentations has been like watching a child lost in a forest, meandering aimlessly hoping to find a trail that may not actually exist. I hear words, not sentences and certainly not thoughts. I have seen college students struggle with simple concepts, like '6: 25:: 12: x'. Why is x so elusive to so many? Sad. Well, I am resolved to remedy this situation as far as my daughter is concerned. The education system may be failing her but I certainly will not. Update: In the time I have written this she has informed me that it was indeed Britain. There is hope for the future generation yet.

School Days, School Days, Wonderful, Wonderful School Days...

Since when were school supplies community supplies? My daughter came home from school for the second time upset after a first day of school. (The first time was in third grade, the year before last.) The teacher had taken up all of her stuff to put it in a community pot to become the class supplies. She held out on submitting her pencils to the pot. Her pencils are cool! Most of the kids brought the school-bus yellow ones and hers say things like 'cool' and 'rad'. I don't know what they actually said but that is what mine said one year. Wow, just admitting that my pencils said 'rad' tells you how old I am. Why is her teacher doing this? I don't understand. Part of beginning the new school year for an elementary student is picking out all the school supplies. I even took her to Lubbock so she wouldn't have the same ol' Walmart stuff all the other kids would. Its one of the few things, besides new clothes and shoes, (never underestimate the power of new shoes), that she likes about returning to school! I asked her why she didn't ask why this was necessary and then remembered she was ten. "Because the teacher will be mad at me," she responded. Whether or not the teacher would have actually been mad at her is unknown but what is sure is she is missing all of her cute strawberry and cherry notebooks. Why do this to the kids? 'Hi kids my name is Ms. Robin Hood and you greedy children will now be sacrificing your belongings to me.' What a great start! I understand the reasoning; some of the children could not afford to purchase their own supplies and they shouldn't be made to feel different. I'm willing to buy some extra notebooks and pencils if it means my daughter doesn't have to watch little Sally receive her strawberry notebook while she gets Jonnie's blue one with the oddly printed lines. Okay, I'm done venting and off to Walmart to buy her, I mean some child, markers. Which is another thing: why are not all the things they need on the dang list?!? Right, right, right; done venting...

That's Only One-third of the Test?

Antipsychotics work by blocking dopamine receptors. Evidently dopamine causes psychosis? Phenothiazines; I suppose the only type or the only one I have to know. Wow, I wonder if I have to remember all the names: Thorazine, Prolixin, on and on... Okay, photosensitivity; I can remember that, right? Avoid direct contact with this medication in liquid form. I wonder why but I'm too tired to look it up at this point. Neuroleptic Malignant Syndrome. Neuro means the senses and lepsis means to take hold of. Thank you Greek! Malignant is bad so this syndrome must be, as well. Not sure I'm looking up autonomic instability tonight, either. Dantrolene treats something else, too. Duh, you stop the medication. Increase fluids because there's a fever. EPS, (Extrapyramidal Syndrome); that's a hard word to say: Extrapyramidal. Treat this with cholinergics unless its too late and there is permanent tardive dyskinesia. There are some videos of that on Youtube. There are videos of everything on Youtube. People put stupid stuff on Youtube. Atypical antipsychotics: Clozaril, Risperdal, Abilify, (the only one I've heard of)... Observe for diabetes mellitus and infection; I'm sure there's a good reason for that. Antidepressants; that looks like a really long word typed out. SSRI's: Prozac, Paxil, Zoloft, Celexa, Lexapro. These sound like ink cartridge brands. My printer is almost out of ink. Ink is so expensive. Good thing I don't print notes. Maybe that would give me something to do in class. Take these with food in the morning. Oh, this has the risk of Serotonin Syndrome. Did you know there's an over-the-counter cough syrup that blocks the reuptake of serotonin? Tremors, mood change, apnea leading to death, diarrhea, sweating, bloating; perhaps I have these symptoms out of order. Okay, we're supposed to administer a serotonin receptor blockade. Is that a drug? Another thing I probably won't be looking up. My daughter is coughing. I hope she's not getting sick the night before the first day of school. I'm going to go check. Dantrolene and Valium for muscle rigidity. What is this about? Oh yeah, Serotonin Syndrome. Atypical antidepressants; I love how Lexicomp just has 'other' in the drug class category. I especially loved writing that on that clinical paperwork and getting counted off for it. Wellbutrin, Effexor, Remeron, Cymbalta... Somnolence; being very sleepy. Anticholinergic effects; isn't that all of the drugs? Take this with food. TCA antidepressants. These were developed in the 1950's in France, I believe. Tofranil, Norpramin, Elavil... Tachycardia, lethal in overdose. Should we be giving these to depressed patients? Take in the evening. MAOI's: Nardil, Parnate, Marplan, Emsam, (which is a patch). Causes muscle cramps. This is the one you have to watch out for tyramine. Also has drug interactions. I want to go to sleep. Also causes Hypertensive Crisis; nuchal rigidity, severe nosebleeds, dilated pupils. Cool the patient down. This one is also lethal in overdose. Okay, stimulant drugs; Ritalin, Cylert, Adderall, Dexedrine... So, Strattera is a stimulant drug, but its not a CNS stimulant? Anorexia, cardiac effects. Sounds like cocaine. "If you wanna hang out you've got to take her out; cocaine..." Treats narcolepsy too; makes sense. I bet cocaine would treat narcolepsy. "She don't lie, she don't lie, she don't lie, cocaine..." Antianxiety; I think I'd rather say anxiolytics; makes me sound smarter. Benzodiazepines: Xanax, Librium, Valium, Lorazepam... And Buspar, which is not a benzodiazpine, I think. Treats anxiety disorders, insomnia, OCD, depression, PTSD and alcohol disorder. I might just eat this entire pint of ice cream. Rocky road is so good. Moderates the actions of GABA, anxiolytics, not rocky road. Can cause dependence and tolerance. Mood stabilizing drugs are for bi-polar disorder. These are Lithium, Tegretol, Depakote, Lamictal and Neurontin. They decrease the release of norepinephrine and normalize the reuptake of neurotransmitters. This can cause hand tremors, rash and surprise, surprise- anticholinergic effects. Oh, I bet there will be questions over the toxicities: metal taste with Lithium, alopecia and hepatic failure with Depakote, Stevens-Johnson Syndrome with Lamictal and aplastic anemia with Tegretol. So take with food, monitor lab levels and have adequate fluid intake. Alcohol deterrents: Antabuse and Campral make you sick if you drink. Opioid deterrents: Methadone, Suboxone and Clonidine block cravings and effects of opioids. Decision time: Should I get up early or stay up late? Perhaps both...

Seriously

I have promised myself that I will try to post everyday, in an attempt that this blog be an honest reflection of myself. The thing is, I haven't a single witty or humorous thing to say today. I have spent the majority of this day studying psychopharmacology. My brain is completely fried.
In light of that, I will take this opportunity to clarify a few things. First, sarcasm is a major component of my personality. Please take some things I say with a grain of salt. Also, honesty is not for everyone. If you have been offended by something you have read I am sorry. I am honestly sarcastic; this is what I am trying to say. However, please don't let my plethora of witty remarks and observations fool you; beneath it all I am just like you, unsure and in desperate need of grace. Please keep this in mind if you have decided to join me on this blogging journey.

I'm sorry; what did you say?

Have you ever had somebody hang up on you while you're talking on the phone? I mean, mid-sentence, just 'click'!? How does it make you feel? I'm asking because my mother-in-law does this all the time. You call her and you're talking and as soon as she gets the information she wants from you she's done. Sometimes you get a brief 'okay' before the click and rarely even a 'bye' but, more often than not, its simply a click. It doesn't matter who called whom, this is how the conversation ends. Its easy to be offended by this, or frustrated, as my husband often is. I'm just emotionally distant enough to appreciate this conversation-ending tactic. I wish I could be so brave. You know when you've been on the phone with someone and the conversation is clearly over and you try to 'wrap it up'? Don't you just hate it when the other party is oblivious to the fact that you're over the chat? I even have this problem with online chat or text messaging. You ask a question and then you get the answer; now you feel obligated to say 'bye', often with a token smiley face :) How liberating it would be to be on the phone and once you ascertain the PTO meeting is indeed at seven Tuesday night you just hang up without hearing about the fantastic casserole Susan made last night! Wouldn't it be great to not have to worry about whether or not its customary to offer the 'goodbye smiley' online? I propose we start a movement, you and I. No more idle chat! No more telling about the funny thing your cat does! No more discussing the tuna-for-chicken substitution in your casserole! I challenge you to hang up on the next person that strays into boring land in their conversation; (clearly, I'm not serious). No more awkward niceties that mean nothing! Come with me; we can change the world!
Okay, its been great blogging to you; bye :)

Everything is Fine

So, I was vacuuming the floor and I really wanted to get the hose attachment and vacuum the edges, you know, around the baseboards. I did not because I only vacuum the edges on Fridays or Saturdays. Its one of my rules. I have a lot of rules. This rule, when I think about it is unique. Most of my rules are to control my environment. For example, when I pour the laundry detergent in the washer I will rinse the lid ten times. I do this in order to be sure that it is rinsed the same every time. (I am aware of the fact that this sounds ludicrous to the reader.) I tap the milk jug ten times before pouring my milk because I want to make sure that there are no little 'crusties' around the edge of the jug. I can't drink the milk if there is a chance of 'crusties.' I eat a banana with a fork because I don't want spit on my banana. I could do this all day... Well my vacuuming rule is different. As you can see, I overdo a few things. The lid of the detergent is sufficiently rinsed after two times. The other eight rinses are just for good measure. I don't vacuum the edges on Sunday through Thursday because I would do it everyday, to excess. So this rule is a balancing rule. It keeps my other excessive actions in check. It balances me- at least, that's my story and I'm sticking to it.

So, if 'A' is 'B', then is 'B' 'A'?

So, I have decided to start a new blog. This one will be different from the other that I have, in that this will be a collection of thoughts that I have. My aim is to honestly share. (I may inadvertently reveal how scattered my thoughts can be.)
I'll start right away. I am sitting in class right now. Perhaps blogging is not the wisest use of my time right now but it beats sleeping. All be it that TCA antidepressants is very interesting. Does anyone know what TCA stands for? Also, why is consuming alcohol while taking Cialis funny?
Here is something that really bothers me: stupid questions. I know what you're thinking; there is no such thing as a stupid question. I beg to differ. A question that repeats what the instructor just said is stupid. A quizzical tone at the end of a statement does not a question make, but it does waste time in class.
Overdose in tricyclic antidepressants is evidenced by sedation and orthostatic hypotension. Hopefully that will be a test question because I caught that.