Strength

I hate cancer. You know, I really really hate it! Even the look of the word is harsh. It took my grandpa and now it is after one of my best friends. Well, cancer you can't have her. She is lovely and wonderful and genuine and intelligent and you can't have her! I don't know if speaking to cancer like that makes any difference, as if cancer were something to be spoken to. Its a cellular mutation, at its most basic level.
So, let me try a different angle: God, my friend has cancer and I hate that. I know you hate that, too. I know all of this theology and have all this knowledge but it seems a small raft floating in an infinite ocean. It is quite irrelevant whether or not I can theologically explain healing and the Holy Spirit or what healing looks like or, oftentimes, does not look like. All I really understand is my own heart right now. My heart is telling me that this is unfair and I am angry. I want my friend to not have cancer. I want her to not suffer. I want her to not fear. God, I just want you to fix it! Can you do that? Will you do that? Will you remove the cancer from her body? Will you renew her strength?
I bring up a good point. "They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint."
Isaiah 40; full of promises of God for a broken people. Promises fulfilled. His strenght is through Christ and the promise fulfilled of the Holy Spirit. This he has already given, to me and my friend.
She has already been healed. I believe that. All of God's promises are fulfilled. Time and distance are our concepts, not His. He has already answered us before we ask. How this looks in our reality, I do not know. My mind can not comprehend all of this.
God says, "Have you not known? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable."
I say, please heal my friend.
I am mindful of the God I serve and I will say: "This is the day the Lord has made; I will rejoice and be glad in it."

Higher Education

I am a gleek. Yes, it's true. I watched the two episodes I missed due to excessive studying. In one of the episodes Sue Sylvester's mother comes to visit her for her wedding, (to herself.) Anyways, her mother had been away from Sue and her handicapped sister for most of their lives, it seems. She, evidently, was a Nazi hunter. Sue's mother was avoiding her true responsibilities in order to go on a quest for a, what she deemed, noble cause. I know it just seems like another quirky storyline from the producers of the show but I feel there is deeper meaning here. How many times have I forsaken the important things in my life for a "higher" more "noble" cause? How many times have I, in the name of my education, neglected precious time with my children. How many "laters" and "not todays" have I spoken? I keep telling myself it will be worth it, but when is that time coming? When I'm working full time? Do I really believe I will have more time then? Am I sacrificing my true responsibilities for what I deem to be more noble, the quest for a career? My daughter is nearly eleven. Her childhood is just flying by. I have been a college student for over two-thirds of her life! My son is nearly three and, before I know it, he will be starting school. It grieves me to think how much I have missed. I understand all the benefits of education but I cannot escape the feeling of being torn.
I like to end all my blog posts with some sort of resolution but I am afraid I cannot do that this time. This tension in my life will remain.