The Chase

Suddenly, she is awake. Senses heightened, mind racing, awake.  One thought above all others:
Run!   She does not know from what or to where but she finds her feet pounding the earth below her, at a haphazard pace that she could surely not maintain.  Fear, overwhelming fear. And darkness.  Everything is black.  The path she is on is littered with black, slick leaves in layers that must have taken years to accumulate.  It is amazing she is able to remain upright, running, stumbling forward at this ungodly pace.  'Where am I', she wonders.  She is certain she has never been here before, but yet, it all seems familiar. She is certain there is a forged path through the towering black trees lying just beneath the layers of decomposing, black underbrush. Twigs snapping beneath her feet cause her to push on, almost falling. She wonders if the sound was made by her feet or by some unseen pursuer.  The air is heavy and she feels as if her lungs refuse to allow it passage.  Her legs become heavy, breath short.  Warmth spreads across her flank.  It is comforting in this cold, dark forest.  The warmth begs her touch. She reaches through the layers of her cloak and, in the few slivers of moonlight allowed to reach the earth through the dense trees, she pulls her hand back wet and red.  Blood.  Her life draining, the warmth spreading down her leg. She looks down at the earth below her. She imagines it greedy for her blood, her warmth, her life.  'Shall I perish in this cold, dark place? Shall the trees be my only bereaved, or will they look upon me as an offering to the blood lust I fear they have?' The thoughts rush through her mind unabated.  The damp earth opens its jowls beneath her and she finds herself enveloped.  Desperate to fight the descent, she claws at the thick air above her.  There is nothing to hold onto.  There is no escape.  'From the earth I emerged and to the earth I shall return.'  She recites the curse in her mind as her own warmth begins to engulf her.  'This is where I began,' she realizes.  'I blazed this trail. I planted these trees. The forest is my own.'  Revelation upon revelation washes over her as she sinks further into the bowels of her fear, her forest, her darkness, her warmth.  She slowly slips into unconsciousness, closing her eyes for the long awaited rest.  There it is again, the snapping of twigs. Startled, she opens her eyes to see someone standing over her, reaching out to her.  She instinctively reaches her hand up; the effort requiring all of her remaining strength.  Immediately she finds herself standing on her feet, strength renewed. She reaches into her cloak to find her flesh intact. There is no blood.  Questions overwhelm her.  She looks to the stranger for answers but the figure merely turns away from her and begins walking.  She follows the sure footsteps into a clearing where she sees a bed, of sorts, fashioned from the underbrush. The stranger turns to her, the moonlight illuminating blue eyes and pale skin.  The eyes are her own!  Her eyes are then drawn to the scar on the strangers hand.  "That is my scar," she says.  "When we planted the trees," the stranger replies, in a voice matching her own.  "Rest now," the stranger says, pointing to the pallet of leaves.  "Tomorrow, we begin again."

Run, Run

So, I ran a mile today. Without stopping.  No big deal to most people but to a big girl like me it's an accomplishment.  I've been working up to it for some time; running parts but walking in between.  I love to run and  now that I can finally run a mile again I will start to call myself a runner.  No, I won't, but it felt good writing that.  Running is a chance for me to clear my mind.  That being said, here is a quick recap of my internal monologue tonight during my mile trek.
Ok, here I go.  Run, run. Hey this feels good. Good pace. Run, run.  Good song.  I like Maroon Five.  Glad I bought this Ipod.  Glad I have a fourteen year old who can fix my Ipod.  Run, run.  Still doing well.  Glad I have this music on so I can't hear my heavy breathing.  I think that psyches me out, hearing my breathing like a dog in the heat of summer.  Run, run. Should I stop?  No, keep going.  Run, run.  This song is not a good running song.  It makes me a little sad; 'talking to the moon.'  Keep pace. Run, run.  Should I stop?  No keep going.  Run, run.  Second wind, maybe; hopefully.  Run, run.  I want to walk.  Don't. Run, run.  Better song; Smashing Pumpkins.  Run, run.  'Be the change you want to be.' Who said that?  Was that Billy Blanks or Dahli Lama?  I can't remember.  Run, run.  You know what I need right now?  I need that Nike commercial; hard work.  Can I just play that ad on my Ipod? Am I the target audience of that ad?  What was the product?  Shoes, maybe.  I suppose I might be the target audience.  I love shoes.  Run, run.  Or is it a Gatorade commercial?  I don't drink much Gatorade, but if I could sweat neon orange I might.  Run, run.  Paseo Circle. Oh my gosh, I'm almost done.  Should I stop?  No, I've come this far.  Run, run. Keep pace.  I must look ridiculous; this big girl, desperately attempting to put one foot in front of the other, panting away.  Run, run.  Almost home.  I'm proud of myself.  I want to die, also. Run, run.  DONE!!!!!
A whole mile, (which, I am aware is not a marathon or anything,) and my deepest thought was shoes.  Ah, it's good to run!

Just Some Things

So, this working thing I do is really affecting my blogging life.  If only I could secure some kind of pay for sitting in front of a computer all day...wait...never mind. (Insert lol.)  Anyways, there are times when I'm all like, "Geez, I would really like to blog today and then I get home from work, have these three kids, life, laundry, on and on...  But, despite it all, today I am posting.
So, here are a few things going on in my life:
Work:  (Edited)
Home:  My kids are great, new house, plenty to do.  Good there.
Things I have wanted to blog about lately:
1. I was at my son's soccer game; (yep, I'm a soccer mom,) and behind me there was this family, a mom, a dad figure, and a teenage girl.  The girl, evidently, is a cheerleader. She was all like, "OMG I am sooo white and I need a tan."  Then the mom was like, "Yes, you do and I'm not paying for tanning! You better sit your butt outside all summer!"  What?!?  Here is what I heard: 'Mom, I feel bad about my body  image.'  'You're right daughter, you look terrible. You need to increase your chance of getting skin cancer to look acceptable.'  I did not say anything.
 
2. Parking:  Is it really so difficult?  I mean, there are these white or yellow lines...

3. Fake people:  I am surrounded by them on a daily basis.  Just be honest.  Most people can handle it.  You don't have to pretend to like me.  I don't even pretend to like me.  C'mon, is it so hard to say what you feel?  (I apologize if that song just popped into your head:  "I wanna see you be brave.")  No one is perfect. I can appreciate that. Please don't pretend to be something you're not.  If you're not nice, just be mean.  If you're not confident, it's ok to ask for help.  If you know you're right, say so.  If you're not competent, please don't pretend. (In my field, that's how people die.  I'm just saying.)

4. Ungratefulness:  Here's the thing about this.  I have been so frustrated lately with people being ungrateful.  If someone helps you, say thank you.  Going to complain that someone does not help you when they clearly do is horrible!  You know who you are!!  It's only when something is gone that people truly appreciate what they had. 

5.Laziness:  It is NOT too much to expect someone to do their job. Period. (I know I typed a period after that first sentence there but I still felt the need to type out the word period, too; just for added emphasis.  On that note, that's all I have to say about that. Period.)

Having said all that, I want to say that I, too, am ungrateful. I owe so much to God and I am not focused on that most times.  The major difference is that instead of responding with frustration to my ungratefulness, He responds with love and grace.  This is something for me to think about.  It's like my dad said, "You can not change people. You can only change your reaction to them."  On this I ponder.  Thanks for reading.

Hallelujah

Hallelujah.
Promises lost. Vows broken. Holiness forgotten.  Hope gone.
Hallelujah.
Sanity broken. Anger risen. Patience lost.  Hope gone.
Hallelujah.
Ships up-heaven. Lights faded. Life lost. Hope gone.
Hallelujah.
Bitterness conquered. Hatred held. Darkness sought. Hope gone.
Hallelujah.
Voice calling. Heart rejected. Light receded. Hope gone.
Hallelujah.
Arms open. Eyes averted. Heart retreated. Hope gone.
Hallelujah.
Voice calling. Arms open.  Savior calling. Hope gone.
Hallelujah.
Heart broken. Soul weeping.  Guilt rising. Hope gone.
Hallelujah.
Voice calling. Heart breaking. Soul pleading. Hope gone.
Hallelujah.
Voice calling. Arms open. Savior embracing. Hope present.
Hallelujah.
Hallelujah.
Hallelujah.