I have to choose to trust God. I have to let go. I have to stop protecting my heart. Do I trust Him to keep my heart or not? It's not like I'm doing a good job of it or anything. I am so influenced by external forces. I'm worshipping God and in a fantastic mood and one setback can change all of that. Then I'm left drowning in a sea of doubt. I know God is there. I know He loves me. I know I am saved. My doubt is life. I doubt that I am living my life for God. Eternity is much easier, you know. I don't have to do anything for that. But I refuse to wait until I die to dwell in His presence. I reach for Him, think of Him, pray to Him, sing of Him. Then it evaporates. Is my faith in the here and now so surface that any change in my environment causes it to float away as a vapor? What am I really doing? Is there something inherently wrong with me?
God whispers I am loved. He whispers it is he who loves me. Be still and know that I am God.
Take my every moment, Lord. I am just wasting them anyways. Make them useful to your purposes. Do not let my life overtake your life within me. I can not do this without you. Why would I want to? That's a good question. Why would I, having been set free go on being a slave? Why do I? Why do I let my life serve as a distraction? Help me focus. I am tired. I am overwhelmed and overcome, and not with the right things. Please, God, overwhelm me with your love, overcome me with your presence. I need you. I need you in my life. I need my life to be yours.
I pray you hear the answer to your prayer! Love you.
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