Do you Yahoo (News)?

I think Yahoo feels its users are shallow. Did you know that there was a major environmental disaster in Hungary yesterday? There was a major spill at an aluminum plant flooding over 600,000 cubic meters. This sludge is full of heavy metals and is quite toxic. People are dead and some are missing. There are several uninhabitable villages. Animals are dying and the spill is threatening tributaries of the Danube. This is a major disaster and the results will be felt for years, possibly forever. Did you know this? Have you heard?
Well, not if your only source of news is Yahoo News on the homepage. However you may have heard that there is a surprising twist on Dancing With The Stars. Oh no, is Emmit Smith getting kicked off? Keira Knightly has a new haircut. I know this is pressing news because I was very stressed out about her long do. Evidently the Obamas are not walking their dog properly. This is good to know because, with all of the things the president is doing, I know I am most concerned with his dog-walking skills, or lack there of. And thanks, Yahoo, for keeping me up to date on the new housewives of The Real Housewives. I sure was stressed about who would flaunt her frivolousness on t.v. next. And, by far the most important news story on Yahoo front page: Celebrities Caught in Recycled Looks! Man, who do those celebrities think they are wearing the same outfit more than once?! Don't they know they should immediately burn their garments after wearing them out of their house? Man, Yahoo, what would I do without you letting me know about this horrendous crime against fashion? Thank you for keeping me informed. Who cares about those people in Hungary anyways? After all, I bet they wear the same outfits over and over again.