Open?

I'm a little too quiet and I need to open up more. What does that mean, exactly? What does this mean, open up? About myself? Who cares? How does that change my abilities as a nurse? Surely this is not what it means. Why does this bother me? It shouldn't. It's just an evaluation, after all. It's one person's opinion of me. It just happens to be an important person in my career right now. So, will I take this to heart? Possibly? I just don't understand. This is bothering me. Why? Well ok; here is me opening up:

I'm not sure I love being a nurse. I hope that I will. I hate that after hours upon hours on my feet my lower back feels like its on fire. It is hard to concentrate on anything else but pain when it gets like that. Maybe this is why I don't open up, because I don't want to be viewed as a complainer. Because I am not a complainer. I'm frustrated that I do not know what to do all of the time. I'm not sure where everything is, I forget things I need before I go a patient's room and I keep forgetting to print those damned med slips! I need to start an IV. I need to learn more about all of these meds. I need to prioritize my time. It drives me crazy that I feel inferior to everyone around me. I'm so ready to feel comfortable as a nurse; to feel like I'm competent and know what I'm doing. I am trying my best. I will always try my best. So, I can not open up at all, you see. I don't want you to know that I feel this way. Frustration and feelings of inferiority are not appealing. So, there it is: I'm all opened up now. Hmmm, I have to say, I don't really feel any better.