Strength

I hate cancer. You know, I really really hate it! Even the look of the word is harsh. It took my grandpa and now it is after one of my best friends. Well, cancer you can't have her. She is lovely and wonderful and genuine and intelligent and you can't have her! I don't know if speaking to cancer like that makes any difference, as if cancer were something to be spoken to. Its a cellular mutation, at its most basic level.
So, let me try a different angle: God, my friend has cancer and I hate that. I know you hate that, too. I know all of this theology and have all this knowledge but it seems a small raft floating in an infinite ocean. It is quite irrelevant whether or not I can theologically explain healing and the Holy Spirit or what healing looks like or, oftentimes, does not look like. All I really understand is my own heart right now. My heart is telling me that this is unfair and I am angry. I want my friend to not have cancer. I want her to not suffer. I want her to not fear. God, I just want you to fix it! Can you do that? Will you do that? Will you remove the cancer from her body? Will you renew her strength?
I bring up a good point. "They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint."
Isaiah 40; full of promises of God for a broken people. Promises fulfilled. His strenght is through Christ and the promise fulfilled of the Holy Spirit. This he has already given, to me and my friend.
She has already been healed. I believe that. All of God's promises are fulfilled. Time and distance are our concepts, not His. He has already answered us before we ask. How this looks in our reality, I do not know. My mind can not comprehend all of this.
God says, "Have you not known? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable."
I say, please heal my friend.
I am mindful of the God I serve and I will say: "This is the day the Lord has made; I will rejoice and be glad in it."

Higher Education

I am a gleek. Yes, it's true. I watched the two episodes I missed due to excessive studying. In one of the episodes Sue Sylvester's mother comes to visit her for her wedding, (to herself.) Anyways, her mother had been away from Sue and her handicapped sister for most of their lives, it seems. She, evidently, was a Nazi hunter. Sue's mother was avoiding her true responsibilities in order to go on a quest for a, what she deemed, noble cause. I know it just seems like another quirky storyline from the producers of the show but I feel there is deeper meaning here. How many times have I forsaken the important things in my life for a "higher" more "noble" cause? How many times have I, in the name of my education, neglected precious time with my children. How many "laters" and "not todays" have I spoken? I keep telling myself it will be worth it, but when is that time coming? When I'm working full time? Do I really believe I will have more time then? Am I sacrificing my true responsibilities for what I deem to be more noble, the quest for a career? My daughter is nearly eleven. Her childhood is just flying by. I have been a college student for over two-thirds of her life! My son is nearly three and, before I know it, he will be starting school. It grieves me to think how much I have missed. I understand all the benefits of education but I cannot escape the feeling of being torn.
I like to end all my blog posts with some sort of resolution but I am afraid I cannot do that this time. This tension in my life will remain.

A Break in the Clouds

Where did Christmas go wrong? I mean, why do we feel like we have to buy to have Christmas? I find it interesting that we start the Christmas season by stampeding into Walmarts and Targets to spend our money as fast as we can. It's everything that's wrong with our society. I was looking at pictures from yesterday online and there are all these incidences of people trampling each other to get into the stores. Self-centeredness at its finest. All in the name of saving money. Here's an idea: stay home, you'll save a great deal more money. People were running through the stores packed with all they could carry. What evil genius devised this plan? Let's have people spend all of their money on our merchandise, all the while feeling like they are compelled to. Hurry, hurry, spend, spend, more, more... Why do we fall for it? Fools, the whole lot of us. Folly at its finest. It is times like this that I agree with the liberal faction fighting to remove the term Christmas from the holiday season. I wonder if Jesus agrees? Afterall, we have practically replaced Christ with consumerism. What evil genius devised this plan? Let's have them believe they are worshiping Christ, all the while praising mammon. (Don't answer that last question; it was rhetorical.) Instead of holiday or Christmas, how about creditmas or debtmas, (they're basically the same thing, right?) Where have we gone wrong and, more importantly, how do we find our way back? God I pray that I am not fooled into thinking that if I buy merchandise branded with 'Jesus is the reason for the season' I am actually exemplifying that principle. I long to walk backwards, one step at a time, until I am out of the storm and can once again see the star shining brightly in the East, leading me to worship Him.

Death by Numbers

1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8; my favorite count. Deep breath; 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8. Relax.
Ok, so here's the deal: I have been trying so hard to lose weight. I'm counting my calories. 3500 calories in one pound. 1377 calories on Wednesday. 1033 calories today. 0 pounds lost this week. 1 breakdown in frustration. 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8; breathe. 2 pep talks from my husband. 3 inches lost this week. 1 sigh of relief. 70 calories in a slice of bread. 2 sandwiches with 1 piece of bread, folded over. 45 pounds I want to lose. 1 week counting calories and 45 pounds to go. 8 ounces of soda I've had this week. 60 minutes of cardio workout I need to do, 7 days a week. 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8. I miss the days when I was 15 and ran 7 miles a day and could eat 4 cheeseburgers a day and gain 0 pounds. (Like dust in the wind, that time.) 0 cheeseburgers I've had this week. 1 Subway turkey sub: 420 calories in that. 45 pounds to go; 45 pounds. 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8, 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8.

Yo This is Creepy

So, my son loves Yo Gabba Gabba. If you haven't seen this show, you probably should because it's one of the most popular shows for preschoolers, who will be in charge of this world in twenty to thirty years. I used to think that the show was just silly but I feel I now must reclassify it as creepy.
First of all, what is the premise of this show, exactly? There is this guy who wears an orange leotard and a fuzzy hat who carrys around this box disguised as a boom box containg all these dolls that come to life when sprinkled with magical glitter. What happens when his friends ask him to play some music on that thing? 'Ummm, well...I better go; it's getting late...'
There is this one episode that has been around awhile where Broby, the little green one, is having a party in his tummy. Carrots and green beans are all upset that they were not invited to the party in Broby's tummy. They are crying and begging to be digested. Creepy.
There is a newer episode now where Broby is having a birthday. All the other dolls-come-to-life are planning a surprise party for him. Some random chef comes on the show and bakes this life size cake of Broby. As it turns out, not only is the cake life-size, it also comes to life and starts dancing around. It's already creepy, right? Well after the cake wishes Broby a happy birthday it says, "you wanna piece of me?" Does the cake want to fight? Is the cake, like the kamikaze green beans, wanting to be eaten? Does it matter?
Were the shows I watched this creepy? I think I should go back and watch and post further about this. What do you remember? Any creepy shows? Let me know here or on facebook. I wonder if there have been any studies on the amount of creepiness in children's television and future implications...

Is This a Good Time?

You know, I've noticed something. It's an interesting phenomenon in Christianity that has slipped my attention until recently. We have this idea that he who prays earliest prays best. You know what I mean; if I get up at six and pray for an hour that's way better than praying an hour in the middle of the day. That's funny, isn't it? It makes sense to honor the early prayer just like we honor the early riser, I suppose. It certainly is a value in our culture. You've all heard the sayings: The early bird gets the worm and early to bed, early to rise makes a man...something good I think. We naturally carry our cultural values into the religious realm but this is amusing to me. Do we really think that God pays better attention in the morning? Is there a better time than others to catch Him to ask something? Just when is the God who created time and space, and naturally exists with or without it, more apt to hear my prayer? Is this like when you're a little child and you wait until your dad is comfortable on the sofa after work to ask about that new toy you want? Is his presence like the car dealership, where the first fifty customers get a free prize? Hurry, offer ends soon...
Perhaps we think that getting up early to pray is a better sacrifice because we also value sleep. (When I'm up before five tomorrow morning I should rehash the value of sleep; only I'll be to sleepy to think clearly about anything.) So, perhaps we feel that the value of the early prayer is in the sacrifice of something valuable. (Reciprocity=yuck.) Well, I also value cleaning so if I give up an hour of that for prayer perhaps God will honor my sacrifice...
And why do we feel like God should be honoring our sacrifices, anyways. I'm not saying He doesn't, but who am I to expect it? I mean, I am certain my time would be better spent honoring His sacrifice. Perhaps I should pray about this; I just hope I catch God at a convenient time.

Three Syllables; Sounds Like...

So, about a week ago I had to take my daughter to the emergency room of (name withheld) hospital for treatment of her asthma. She is doing great now, thank God. Anyways, when we were leaving the nurse aide read the discharge instructions to me. I'm reading along with her as she is reading out loud to me. There was an instruction to 'avoid exertion' for at least five days. Now, here is what she said: "She needs to make sure she avoids extortion for at least five days." Now, I was very tired at this point in the evening so I laughed a little when she said this. She looked up at me with a puzzled look on her face and I offered no explanation. In my mind, though, I'm thinking, 'Extortion?' I'm not sure we can manage. I mean, she has this hedge fund she is working on...
Seriously, shouldn't you be able to read if you are giving discharge teaching to a parent? More over, isn't it the nurse's job to do the teaching? What if I had had questions? For example, what if I had not known what the word extortion meant? Who would explain to me that my daughter was now prohibited from illegally exacting money from her hedge fund? What if she had gone ahead and done it? She could have been hospitalized for an exacerbation of her asthma. Imagine all of the teaching that would be necessary at that point...