There Must be a Method

I grew up with systematic theology. Really, I'm a baptist. At least I was a baptist. I am, was, I'm not sure. Anyways the Southern Baptist Convention is systematic about everything, practice and theology. I suppose theology is what brings about practice. I'm just not sure I buy it. Here's the thing: I think that each Biblical book could stand alone, perhaps. I know that was not a very clear statement. Perhaps its not a very clear thought. And, perhaps there are some exceptions. Perhaps the Pentateuch is an exception. And then there are the authors who were clearly dependent on each other's writings. And perhaps that is all of them. Have I walked myself in a complete circle? Ok, so maybe I don't think each book stands alone. No, I don't think that. However I am aware that there are redactional layers and varying voices even in individual books. I think what I'm trying to figure is, how can we say that what Luke says is dependent on what John says? I would say Luke is independent of John. John wrote later than Luke. It seems irrational that we should consider what John says when reading Luke. Additionally, how can we read the Torah, Tanakh, Old Testament through the lens of the New Testament? It seems silly to me. I'm not certain that the Trinity is in the Torah. (I'm not even convinced its in the New Testament. I'm actually pretty sure its not.)

Are you still with me? So, I believe that the Bible is inspired. I don't think that means that God was whispering in John's ear that everything he writes must be congruent with what was already written by Luke, (to use my earlier example.) The systematic reading of the Bible I was brought up with says that we must harmonize all of the inconsistencies within the Bible. I think maybe we were afraid that admitting there are things that don't jive with each other is equivalent to saying that the Bible has mistakes. It's a lot like throwing out the baby with the bath water. None of it could be "wrong" or all of it might be. Did I really believe this at one time?Isn't it extremely dependent on what one thinks "wrong" is? I think maybe apologetics might have something to do with this reading. I know I was taught to defend God and prove God, (like He needs my help with that).

Also, I think we Baptists really like concordances. I have an exhaustive one on my bookshelf. You could literally follow along with many of the Baptist preachers I've heard if you have one. To the outsider it may appear that he is bouncing along aimlessly through the Bible, but a fellow concordance owner knows what's up.

So, let me try to focus some. Let me use the idea of the Trinity, the personage of God. Alright, so systematic theology consists of lists so let me make one, (this list is Strong's):

1. The Father is God

2. The Son is God

3. The Spirit is God

4. There is but one God

Alright. I believe all four statements but what I'm not sure about is how all three of these are strung together. Biblicaly, its a hard case. A thousand people could make or break it a thousand ways. Rambling, rambling, rambling...
Ok, so here is my final thinking on this endless subject. (You see what I did there?)
1. It starts with faith
2. It includes Biblical study
3. It ends with faith
Look, its a list. How systematic of me...

Mothers

Thank God for mothers. I called my mom last night and I was very upset. My three year old is bringing the sequel to the 'terrible twos' with the 'extremely terrible threes.' Poor baby. Its not his fault, really. He just doesn't understand why mommy doesn't have a lot of time for him. He wants my attention so he gets it, whatever it takes. It breaks my heart. I hate disciplining him. I feel like I'm the one who needs punishing. Pay attention to your child! What kind of mother are you? This is how I feel. Anyways, I called my mom.
"It will be ok, you are doing this for his good. He just doesn't understand." I know school is important but so are my kids. I know this is for my kids future. I want them to go to college. I want more opportunity for them. Try explaining all this to a three year old. So I was trying so hard to study yesterday to no avail. He and his sister are not getting along. He's turning the t.v. on and off. My sanity is slowly slipping. I am so overwhelmed. I call my mom.
"I'm going to fail my test on Monday. This is impossible." I am defeated.
"It's going to be ok, I will come and help you this weekend." I feel better. My hope lifts. I am more patient with my children. I study after he falls asleep. Maybe it will be ok. I can do this; hope is rising.
Thank God for mothers.

Neuro Lecture

Did you know that our brains shrink when we age? I mean, literally, in the sixth or seventh generation of life our brain mass reduces. There is empty space between the skull and the brain. I would really like this not to happen to me. I rather like my brain. I think I'm afraid of brain shrinkage. I wonder if there is a phobia associated with this? Neuropicaphobia? Hmmm... What will I loose? I store a lot of things in there that I'd like to keep. I think I could do without some things, maybe. I took a class at Tech, something like South American geology...perhaps I don't need that. Perhaps I've already lost that. Oh no, is it happening already? Let's see, Dominican Republic...ummm...bananas....oh no, it is happening. I wonder if I could start organizing the files in my mind so that I could toss certain things in the recycle bin, near the top of my brain, while keeping other really important things, like pharmacology and Classical Hebrew, deeper in my brain? Can anyone troubleshoot that for me?

401

Wow, just, wow. This semester is tough. There is so much information in such a short amount of time. (Well the lecture today was particularly long, but you get the general idea.) Oh, dear brain, please allow yourself to fit in these math formulas. Also that formula from the lab interpretation lecture, whatever that was for. I know you hate numbers and all, but I really am depending on your cooperation right now; thanks. Also, I am feeling like I am way behind because I don't work in the hospital. Am I the only one? Resume day will be fun. At least I have everything prepared. I have gathered all my work experience...
Well, I would love to chat about this further but I only have about seven more hours left of today and I'm behind.

Ramblings

Blank page, blank page, blank page. I want to write a post but I don't know what to write about. I have so many things on my mind right now.
I start school Monday. Let me say, I really don't want to. I am feeling so inadequate and unprepared. Everything I have learned thus far feels like water just running out of the cracks in my mind. Have I retained anything? This overwhelming sense of doom is coming over me. Do or die; here we go.
I had a fantastic night at the jail Thursday! God really moved in a more tangible and evident way than I have witnessed in many years. I am so thankful I was a part of it. Who am I, really that God would use me? God never ceases to amaze me.
My kids both have birthdays this month. My baby will be three! It doesn't seem possible. My daughter will be eleven! Man, time is just flying.
I purchased a new phone. It's a 4G Evo. It is entirely too smart. I am not that intelligent, in comparison. I feel I will never unlock or even know about the full potential of this amazing device. You know what else? It also makes phone calls! Amazing.
Oh man, my brain is so scattered. I better get it together before Monday.

Strength

I hate cancer. You know, I really really hate it! Even the look of the word is harsh. It took my grandpa and now it is after one of my best friends. Well, cancer you can't have her. She is lovely and wonderful and genuine and intelligent and you can't have her! I don't know if speaking to cancer like that makes any difference, as if cancer were something to be spoken to. Its a cellular mutation, at its most basic level.
So, let me try a different angle: God, my friend has cancer and I hate that. I know you hate that, too. I know all of this theology and have all this knowledge but it seems a small raft floating in an infinite ocean. It is quite irrelevant whether or not I can theologically explain healing and the Holy Spirit or what healing looks like or, oftentimes, does not look like. All I really understand is my own heart right now. My heart is telling me that this is unfair and I am angry. I want my friend to not have cancer. I want her to not suffer. I want her to not fear. God, I just want you to fix it! Can you do that? Will you do that? Will you remove the cancer from her body? Will you renew her strength?
I bring up a good point. "They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint."
Isaiah 40; full of promises of God for a broken people. Promises fulfilled. His strenght is through Christ and the promise fulfilled of the Holy Spirit. This he has already given, to me and my friend.
She has already been healed. I believe that. All of God's promises are fulfilled. Time and distance are our concepts, not His. He has already answered us before we ask. How this looks in our reality, I do not know. My mind can not comprehend all of this.
God says, "Have you not known? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable."
I say, please heal my friend.
I am mindful of the God I serve and I will say: "This is the day the Lord has made; I will rejoice and be glad in it."

Higher Education

I am a gleek. Yes, it's true. I watched the two episodes I missed due to excessive studying. In one of the episodes Sue Sylvester's mother comes to visit her for her wedding, (to herself.) Anyways, her mother had been away from Sue and her handicapped sister for most of their lives, it seems. She, evidently, was a Nazi hunter. Sue's mother was avoiding her true responsibilities in order to go on a quest for a, what she deemed, noble cause. I know it just seems like another quirky storyline from the producers of the show but I feel there is deeper meaning here. How many times have I forsaken the important things in my life for a "higher" more "noble" cause? How many times have I, in the name of my education, neglected precious time with my children. How many "laters" and "not todays" have I spoken? I keep telling myself it will be worth it, but when is that time coming? When I'm working full time? Do I really believe I will have more time then? Am I sacrificing my true responsibilities for what I deem to be more noble, the quest for a career? My daughter is nearly eleven. Her childhood is just flying by. I have been a college student for over two-thirds of her life! My son is nearly three and, before I know it, he will be starting school. It grieves me to think how much I have missed. I understand all the benefits of education but I cannot escape the feeling of being torn.
I like to end all my blog posts with some sort of resolution but I am afraid I cannot do that this time. This tension in my life will remain.