401

Wow, just, wow. This semester is tough. There is so much information in such a short amount of time. (Well the lecture today was particularly long, but you get the general idea.) Oh, dear brain, please allow yourself to fit in these math formulas. Also that formula from the lab interpretation lecture, whatever that was for. I know you hate numbers and all, but I really am depending on your cooperation right now; thanks. Also, I am feeling like I am way behind because I don't work in the hospital. Am I the only one? Resume day will be fun. At least I have everything prepared. I have gathered all my work experience...
Well, I would love to chat about this further but I only have about seven more hours left of today and I'm behind.

Ramblings

Blank page, blank page, blank page. I want to write a post but I don't know what to write about. I have so many things on my mind right now.
I start school Monday. Let me say, I really don't want to. I am feeling so inadequate and unprepared. Everything I have learned thus far feels like water just running out of the cracks in my mind. Have I retained anything? This overwhelming sense of doom is coming over me. Do or die; here we go.
I had a fantastic night at the jail Thursday! God really moved in a more tangible and evident way than I have witnessed in many years. I am so thankful I was a part of it. Who am I, really that God would use me? God never ceases to amaze me.
My kids both have birthdays this month. My baby will be three! It doesn't seem possible. My daughter will be eleven! Man, time is just flying.
I purchased a new phone. It's a 4G Evo. It is entirely too smart. I am not that intelligent, in comparison. I feel I will never unlock or even know about the full potential of this amazing device. You know what else? It also makes phone calls! Amazing.
Oh man, my brain is so scattered. I better get it together before Monday.

Strength

I hate cancer. You know, I really really hate it! Even the look of the word is harsh. It took my grandpa and now it is after one of my best friends. Well, cancer you can't have her. She is lovely and wonderful and genuine and intelligent and you can't have her! I don't know if speaking to cancer like that makes any difference, as if cancer were something to be spoken to. Its a cellular mutation, at its most basic level.
So, let me try a different angle: God, my friend has cancer and I hate that. I know you hate that, too. I know all of this theology and have all this knowledge but it seems a small raft floating in an infinite ocean. It is quite irrelevant whether or not I can theologically explain healing and the Holy Spirit or what healing looks like or, oftentimes, does not look like. All I really understand is my own heart right now. My heart is telling me that this is unfair and I am angry. I want my friend to not have cancer. I want her to not suffer. I want her to not fear. God, I just want you to fix it! Can you do that? Will you do that? Will you remove the cancer from her body? Will you renew her strength?
I bring up a good point. "They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint."
Isaiah 40; full of promises of God for a broken people. Promises fulfilled. His strenght is through Christ and the promise fulfilled of the Holy Spirit. This he has already given, to me and my friend.
She has already been healed. I believe that. All of God's promises are fulfilled. Time and distance are our concepts, not His. He has already answered us before we ask. How this looks in our reality, I do not know. My mind can not comprehend all of this.
God says, "Have you not known? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable."
I say, please heal my friend.
I am mindful of the God I serve and I will say: "This is the day the Lord has made; I will rejoice and be glad in it."

Higher Education

I am a gleek. Yes, it's true. I watched the two episodes I missed due to excessive studying. In one of the episodes Sue Sylvester's mother comes to visit her for her wedding, (to herself.) Anyways, her mother had been away from Sue and her handicapped sister for most of their lives, it seems. She, evidently, was a Nazi hunter. Sue's mother was avoiding her true responsibilities in order to go on a quest for a, what she deemed, noble cause. I know it just seems like another quirky storyline from the producers of the show but I feel there is deeper meaning here. How many times have I forsaken the important things in my life for a "higher" more "noble" cause? How many times have I, in the name of my education, neglected precious time with my children. How many "laters" and "not todays" have I spoken? I keep telling myself it will be worth it, but when is that time coming? When I'm working full time? Do I really believe I will have more time then? Am I sacrificing my true responsibilities for what I deem to be more noble, the quest for a career? My daughter is nearly eleven. Her childhood is just flying by. I have been a college student for over two-thirds of her life! My son is nearly three and, before I know it, he will be starting school. It grieves me to think how much I have missed. I understand all the benefits of education but I cannot escape the feeling of being torn.
I like to end all my blog posts with some sort of resolution but I am afraid I cannot do that this time. This tension in my life will remain.

A Break in the Clouds

Where did Christmas go wrong? I mean, why do we feel like we have to buy to have Christmas? I find it interesting that we start the Christmas season by stampeding into Walmarts and Targets to spend our money as fast as we can. It's everything that's wrong with our society. I was looking at pictures from yesterday online and there are all these incidences of people trampling each other to get into the stores. Self-centeredness at its finest. All in the name of saving money. Here's an idea: stay home, you'll save a great deal more money. People were running through the stores packed with all they could carry. What evil genius devised this plan? Let's have people spend all of their money on our merchandise, all the while feeling like they are compelled to. Hurry, hurry, spend, spend, more, more... Why do we fall for it? Fools, the whole lot of us. Folly at its finest. It is times like this that I agree with the liberal faction fighting to remove the term Christmas from the holiday season. I wonder if Jesus agrees? Afterall, we have practically replaced Christ with consumerism. What evil genius devised this plan? Let's have them believe they are worshiping Christ, all the while praising mammon. (Don't answer that last question; it was rhetorical.) Instead of holiday or Christmas, how about creditmas or debtmas, (they're basically the same thing, right?) Where have we gone wrong and, more importantly, how do we find our way back? God I pray that I am not fooled into thinking that if I buy merchandise branded with 'Jesus is the reason for the season' I am actually exemplifying that principle. I long to walk backwards, one step at a time, until I am out of the storm and can once again see the star shining brightly in the East, leading me to worship Him.

Death by Numbers

1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8; my favorite count. Deep breath; 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8. Relax.
Ok, so here's the deal: I have been trying so hard to lose weight. I'm counting my calories. 3500 calories in one pound. 1377 calories on Wednesday. 1033 calories today. 0 pounds lost this week. 1 breakdown in frustration. 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8; breathe. 2 pep talks from my husband. 3 inches lost this week. 1 sigh of relief. 70 calories in a slice of bread. 2 sandwiches with 1 piece of bread, folded over. 45 pounds I want to lose. 1 week counting calories and 45 pounds to go. 8 ounces of soda I've had this week. 60 minutes of cardio workout I need to do, 7 days a week. 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8. I miss the days when I was 15 and ran 7 miles a day and could eat 4 cheeseburgers a day and gain 0 pounds. (Like dust in the wind, that time.) 0 cheeseburgers I've had this week. 1 Subway turkey sub: 420 calories in that. 45 pounds to go; 45 pounds. 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8, 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8.

Yo This is Creepy

So, my son loves Yo Gabba Gabba. If you haven't seen this show, you probably should because it's one of the most popular shows for preschoolers, who will be in charge of this world in twenty to thirty years. I used to think that the show was just silly but I feel I now must reclassify it as creepy.
First of all, what is the premise of this show, exactly? There is this guy who wears an orange leotard and a fuzzy hat who carrys around this box disguised as a boom box containg all these dolls that come to life when sprinkled with magical glitter. What happens when his friends ask him to play some music on that thing? 'Ummm, well...I better go; it's getting late...'
There is this one episode that has been around awhile where Broby, the little green one, is having a party in his tummy. Carrots and green beans are all upset that they were not invited to the party in Broby's tummy. They are crying and begging to be digested. Creepy.
There is a newer episode now where Broby is having a birthday. All the other dolls-come-to-life are planning a surprise party for him. Some random chef comes on the show and bakes this life size cake of Broby. As it turns out, not only is the cake life-size, it also comes to life and starts dancing around. It's already creepy, right? Well after the cake wishes Broby a happy birthday it says, "you wanna piece of me?" Does the cake want to fight? Is the cake, like the kamikaze green beans, wanting to be eaten? Does it matter?
Were the shows I watched this creepy? I think I should go back and watch and post further about this. What do you remember? Any creepy shows? Let me know here or on facebook. I wonder if there have been any studies on the amount of creepiness in children's television and future implications...